That’s easy, we say, we dress and use makeup for others. Bzzz, wrong. If I was the only one left on the planet and had a department store all to myself, I would still dress and put on makeup. Do my hair, look my best. Not every day, but enough. Why? Because when I look my best, I feel my best and feeling good, presentable, pretty, makes me act like a lady. It forces me to be the best me possible. Now, this is not always true. My husbands cousin, Tammy, would not dress to please the general population, but with her motorcycle loving friends, she fits right in. She’s my age and looks fifteen years younger (no kids). Her body is toned and fit to the point of hard, even at our age. She is a bikers dream. Long black hair, fair skin that tans to perfection in the summer and she wears tight denim and leather tops that make her best features stand out. Makeup? Not so much, but her appearance in her world is important for her.
We each put on many hats and having a wardrobe, while still maintaining our style, that fits those hats, is important. If we shop thrift stores for anything that fits, we will look it. If we shop with our unique style and personalities in mind, buying what we love and flatters us (yes, it is possible to do both), then we’re winners and people will ask where we bought things. If you’re wearing things pulled from K-Mart, a thrift store and an ancient pile of clothes in the back of your closet and people stop you to tell you how great you look, you’ve got it. I’ve had it happen and when I see a woman with amazing style I always tell her how much I admire her approach to fashion in a very positive way. One, “Wow, that purse is gorgeous!” Goes a long way to making someone else’s day. Two rules, 1. you have to mean it and 2. it does not have to be something you would wear. Just great personal style. You’ll know it when you see it.
How do you develop great personal style? Time and effort. Most teens don’t have it, yet. They’re too busy trying to fit with others. Don’t be offended, it’s a big part of our growth process and personal style comes out of what you love and hate about your wardrobe that others have dictated for you. There was a striped sweater, when I was in eighth grade. Everyone had it and it looked good on almost everyone. Not chubby me. I wanted it and my mother, who had great personal style, was adamant that I not wear it, or own it, or borrow it. I looked horrible in it and she knew it. The color was wrong, the cut did nothing for me and the stripes, loud and large, running across the widest part of my body? Let’s just say mom knew best on this one. I saved and saved and by the time I’d saved enough, the look was over. I moved on and bought something that was very flattering and I wore for years. Something so wonderful that I intend to dupe it up and make a copy to wear today. It’s timeless and flattering on my figure. Which is not hippy, but I have wide hips and no waist at all. Oh, it dips in and is 23″, but my hips are 33″ and I have two inches between my ribs and my hips. No torso at all. I joke about my boobs being gone, but they fit my figure now and large boobs on this torso would make me look heavy. It worked out. Much to my delight and dismay (I miss my boobs, but my husband does more. He’s not said a word, but my twelve year old told me to get a boob job for daddy for Christmas. As the Brits would say, he’s a cheeky little bastard).
We can and should dress to please one person, ourselves. If we are feeling good about us, and honestly, you may be comfy in a ripped T-shirt and flannel PJ bottoms, your hair all messed up in a clip, but you do not feel your best. If you look at the woman at the supermarket and see someone who looks unkempt and realize it’s you in a mirror…well, amp it up. I’m not saying buy Chanel to wear to the A&P. I’m saying put ten minutes into who you really are. I love jeans that fit with a comfortable, but fitted top and a shawl on my shoulders. I’ve made several with crochet and I get so many compliments. They’re my style. No one else’s and I can’t see anyone else wearing them at all. Although, I’ve been told to put them in an Etsy store and sell them for over $100.00. Something I’ve thought about trying, to be honest. After the holiday season. I’m busy dreaming up presents right now.
Back to finding your personal style. Buy a variety of magazines. Mark what you love, don’t think about accessibility, or price. Now, pull all those pages. Look carefully, is there a similarity? I’m not talking about falling into a, “Romantic style, chic style, cute style, sophisticated.” We all wear many hats and I have clothing that suits all of those images. The one thing my choices have is they are artistic and fun, without being over the top and all work with other parts of my wardrobe and are dependant on ethnic looking pieces. I have a pair of silk harem style pants which have purples and pinks and golds running through them (good old, Orchid Lane, my clothing store of the Gods). I wear them with a plain top in a complimentary color and simple gold-tone flats I got at Payless a million years ago. I don’t wear them in business situations, or to weddings, but out to shop? You betcha! They are very me, but still a little out there and I had to leave my comfort zone to put them on. Once I did, I felt like an Arabian Princess, ala Jasmine. I’m about as Arabic looking as your average Swedish Doll, but I felt beautiful. With eyes rimmed in liner and a little mascara and gloss on my lips, it was perfect. Any more and I would have looked like a circus freak. You know, the kind they used to charge people to see. “Come on in folks and look at the world’s scariest clown.” I fully believe I know where to stop when I’m wearing those pants and I suspect that because my friends love them on me and tell me so. Friends that would not hesitate to tell me I look like crap. The very best kind of friends. Supportive, but honest ones. Honesty about your feelings toward what your friends are up to is an admirable trait. Just don’t take it into the, “All brutal honesty, without nice things and support.” If someone is telling you they are being hurt by what you say, ask yourself if it’s you? It probably is. There is a fine line. Learn to walk it. If someone dresses like they don’t care, don’t tell them that. Talk to them about other things and bring it up with gentle love.
I have a friend who’s husband is a drunk. Period. No other word for it. No, honey, it’s not you. I love you and you have amazing personal style (I’m speaking to a family member here). She dresses like she’s got on self worth and you know what? I don’t think she does. She’s a fabulous mother, peacemaker, enabler. Just like the wives of most alcoholics. My dad is one, I’ve seen the behavior, and participated in it a time, or two, most of my life. When it was bad, I dressed badly. When I’d had enough… I started taking care of me and that, was that. I faked it till I made it. Now my dad and I are friends from long distance and I no longer enable him. I feel stronger and he still drinks way too much. He knows I feel this way and I write about it from time to time. I’m honest about my life and feelings. I always have been. I just don’t always know what they are. “Paging Nancy, normal person.”
Okay, I’ve dumped enough on you for one day. If you’ve gotten this far, I laud you. We’ll talk about it more this week and I’ll do some videos on personal style.
Have fun and play with your look. Play until you are the best you that you can be. Not an imitation of anyone!!!!
Smooch,
Nancy
